It’s Me

Here’s a chance for you men to find out how compassionate and sensitive you are to women.  Do
    something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
 Simple Duties                           
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.(0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up. (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty. (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.(-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. (-2)
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners
with wings. (+5)
But return with beer. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something. (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)
It’s her father. (-10)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy. (-2)
Named Tiffany. (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer. (-6)
Tiffany has implants. (-8) 

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. (+1)
It is a sports bar. (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face  is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A Night Out With The Boys
And the pal is happily married. (-4)
Or frighteningly single. (-7)
And he drives a Mustang. (-10)
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED). (-15)

A Night Out
You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It’s called Death Cop 3. (-3)
Which features cyborgs having sex. (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say "I don’t give a damn because you have one too." (-800)

The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?". (-5)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.(+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV. (+10)
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep. (-20)

Scoring
Start with 50 points and add your
score to it.  If you ended up with +15 then your score would
        be 65 for the 65th percentile.  If you got -15 then your
score would be 35 for the 35th percentile. 

A driver is stopped by a
  police officer. The driver asks, "What’s the problem officer?" Officer: "You
  were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh,
  Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I’m
  also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail
  light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you’ve known
  about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
  Officer: "I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt."
  Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh
  Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT
  YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma’am, does your husband
  talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he’s drunk."

Come on…test yourself if you’re smart enough…

http://www.college911.com/express/precog9/index.asp

Ada seorang gadis sedang di dalam satu bas di suatu waktu petang. Dikala ramai orang berebut-berebut untuk pulang ke rumah, gadis itu yang keadaannya agak resah sedang duduk berdepan dengan seorang lelaki
Jawa, yang sedang berdiri berhimpit-himpit dengan penumpang yang lain.

Memang kebisaannya di waktu begini jalankan jem. Jadi bas tu tak dapat le bergerak dengan sempurna. Gadis yang resah tu rupanya nak terkencing. Tetapi dia tak dapat turun sebab orang ramai dan bas tidak berhenti
rumahnya pun jauh lagi.

Tahan punya tahan last-last terkencing le sikit. Bila dia perasan, dia pun buat-buatle buka handbag dan cuba mencari sesuatu. Tanpa disedari Jawa di depannya dah perhatikan dia dengan agak lama juga. Nak jadi cerita orang yang duduk sebelah gadis tersebut pun bangun sebab dah sampai. Jadi gadis tersebut pun alih le ke tempat tersebut kerana seat dia dah basah. Jadi Jawa ni pun nak duduk le.

Bila dia tengok basah dia tanye kat gadis tersebut, "Aduh bu, ngapa tempat ni basah ya?" Jawab gadis tersebut, "Ohh…tadi botol minyak wangi saya tertumpah. Saya cari tutupnya tapi tak jumpa. Dalam beg
tangan pun tak ada".

Jadi Jawa tu pun keluarkan le saputangannya dan lap sebelum duduk. Setelah duduk dia pun ciumle saputangan tersebut untuk menghidu wangiannya. Bau-bau punya baru le Jawa tu tau rupanya air kencing sambil tersenyum Jawa tu jawab, "Lo…kalau minyak wangi jenama ini, kalau mau saya ada penutupnya…"